The child that I watch on Thursdays is pretty much an angel in human form. I swear she walks around with a halo around her that is visible only to those that know her. She has long red curly hair that I currently have in pigtails, and freckles. She's 2 1/2 going on 13. The kid freakin kills me. I'm sitting here today on the computer while she was sitting on her potty. I figured maybe she's have more luck without me staring at her. All of a sudden a little voice goes "I did it Meghan". I turn around and she's standing there with the "pee container" part of her potty full of pee. Um yes..yes you did, let's head on back to the bathroom with that there urine young child. She's so awesome. I hope I pop a kid out like her, but hell, at the rate I'm going...I'll never have a kid.

People in this town are judgemental pricks. I love walking around with her in her stroller because people think she's mine. I take her to the park where the yuppies converge; people who name their kids "Maxamillion" (I shit you not, that was one of the boys names today) while the moms yell across the playground to eachother that they should have brought their cell phones so they could talk. They all look at me the same. It's not new news that I look like I'm 16. They look at Riona, then at me, then I see the flicker of disgust on their faces as they label me a teenaged trampy knocked up whore. It bring me more joy than you know. I flaunt my best motherly skills and pretend she's mine; drawing the line at referring to myself as "mommy" just so I can see the looks of horror on their faces and they hope their kids don't get too close to us. As if illigitamacy is a disease or something. Yuppy assholes. We walk off, me smirking, them probably whispering horrible things, but audibly saying "oh what beautiful red hair she has". Phony bastards. I hope yure kids get head lice.

I'm bored people. Very very bored. I'm at work, if you want to call itthat. yes I get paid but I don't really think of it as work; the child is a dream to watch on Thursdays. However, when she goes to sleep, I find myself entering as near vegetative state. They only get basic cable, and as much as I try to watch soaps, I can't do it. I find myself saying "oh my god", or "give me a break" or even "I'm gonna hurl" out loud, and then I get up and find myself sitting at this painfully slow computer. She sleeps for 2 hours...2 long-ass hours. I'll sometimes email, but my email partner is not at work today and he's seriously jipping me. I think I like it better when he's working. I may tell him he's not allowed to take Thursdays off anymore. His mental health days are bad for MY mental health.

None of you are logged in right now. What the hell people; can't you see I'm suffering here? Someone get on here and write me something stupidly entertaining....I still have 40 minutes to kill...

I am becoming a cynic. (yes Joe D..you have read that right). It's not a constant thing - just more like"symptoms" - glimpses up my impending cynicism. I have gotten moodier over the past few moths. I chalk it up to my desperate need to move out. I  hate living at home. Please don't comfuse with this the fact that I do love my family dearly. I just can't live with them anymore. It's a little to "cramped" here. Sadly, I have no money to move out, and no place to go. I feel like I argue constantly with my mom. Constantly trying to get a little more independence. I feel liek at almost 25, they should basically have no freakin say in anything that I do. Unfortunately it doesn't even come close to working that way. I think moving now it more a decision of my mental health than anything else.  I'm tired of them dictating to me. Gotta break free. goootttaaa break free

I don't even remember the last time I blogged. I kinda retracted into that small ball of self-misery I do when things get shitty. I'm pretty much out of that ball now. Things are looking up. Life is too short to waste it on pure bullshit. I need to start living more. There are too many people to meet and places to see for me to wait around for things that may never happen. I don't want to have regrets in life. Granted, that is not entirely realistic, I will always have certain things I wish I did, but my new goal is to "live". How much time have I wasted lately putting myself into positions where I will get hurt?? It's not worth it anymore.

It is 6-6-6 today. I'm watching closely for massive lightening bolts, human-sized hail, and large amounts of fire. What bullshit. Honestly..who comes up with this shit? Whatever drugs they were on back in the day to make them conjure of this crap...i want some....

I don't even remember the last time I blogged. I kinda retracted into that small ball of self-misery I do when things get shitty. I'm pretty much out of that ball now. Things are looking up. Life is too short to waste it on pure bullshit. I need to start living more. There are too many people to meet and places to see for me to wait around for things that may never happen. I don't want to have regrets in life. Granted, that is not entirely realistic, I will always have certain things I wish I did, but my new goal is to "live". How much time have I wasted lately putting myself into positions where I will get hurt?? It's not worth it anymore.

It is 6-6-6 today. I'm watching closely for massive lightening bolts, human-sized hail, and large amounts of fire. What bullshit. Honestly..who comes up with this shit? Whatever drugs they were on back in the day to make them conjure of this crap...i want some....